What are the things that make you panic on the page?

I don’t know about you other writers out there in writerdom, but occasionally, for me, the idea of sitting down and getting to work is absolutely terrifying. I will think of any excuse to avoid writing. I have to work… in nineteen hours. I have to do laundry, go to the store, I’m out of ideas, my back hurts, this book is really good so I’ll just read another few pages and it takes place during the time I’m writing about so it’s for research really, I have to knit and listen to an audio book (delicious indulgence by the way), I have to check cows, floss my teeth, go chop firewood for 2012 wood, etc, etc, etc. And all of it, and I mean all of it, is purely an excuse to avoid that gut-churning, jaw clenching, head-cracking fear of a blank page.

I don’t admit this often. I’m not a person who likes to indulge in fear, even though so much of my daily life, a la my family, is little but an exercise in an existence that disguises our thinly veiled fears. What if we lose the farm? What if something dies? What if the coffeepot/tractor/truck/etc breaks? What if we actually have to make a decision or the economy collapses? So writing and reading, I suppose, have long been my escapes from this. So when Ye Big Ol Blank Page seems an enemy too, life gets interesting.

I mean I have ideas, too many most days, and various projects I’m working on, so that’s not the problem. When I do cardio, I often have to stop and jot ideas, lines, fragments of dialogue or description down. When I’m at work, I suddenly have these great lines in my head and write them on the notepad feature on my phone. I try to start from those notes in the morning, but they seem uninspired by dawn’s early coffee, so I leave them until I can be more impartial, and try to make new words. Instead, I end up searching for more audio-books to borrow from my local library. And when I open a project, I stare at the last thing I wrote and my stomach churns in panic.

So I’m asking you to weigh in. How do you deal with panic on the page? (I’m expecting something like “suck it up, Ax,” but perhaps you’ll be more kind than I anticipate.) And how do you discipline your writing, well, discipline, when even a farmer’s work ethic seems to be defying you?

Recovery

So what to do after having cleaned up your dog manure mess of a word-hoard? In a word: recover. These are tips that help, not completely cure, but help, after cleaning up the mess or even after making a mess, and spewing words across the page in manic fashion. As many writers out there probably know, there’s a kind of depression after that, when the endorphins die down. Some of these might even work for that wonderful rejection letter we’re all bound to receive at some point.

• To start, sprinkle the scene of the crash with baking soda. This kills the smell and may help keep you away from trashcan hats.
• Realize you’re not the only one. I think I’m safe in saying that all writers go through the dog-mess, post-writing depression, and rejection blues. Even Shakespeare got bad reviews. Recognize your connection to the wider community of writers and…
• Realize that it’s ok. It’s okay to mope, for awhile. Go ahead. But don’t stay there.
• The goal is to recover and recoup, not to wallow. After you roll around in the initial blahs, get out and do something fun that you enjoy. The cuts and rewrites may hurt, the rejection may sting, the high may be missed, but ultimately the work will be stronger, regardless of what propels it there. Discover who you are outside of the clean-up, the rejection, the high, the whatever. Do something physical, something you enjoy, just a leisurely walk or a new endeavor with a friend, rock-climbing, surfing, wherever your passion runs. Hit the sheets with your lover or go out and hold hands with him/her at a movie. I can’t recommend alcohol unless it’s in the first wallowing stages or it’s canoeing with friends. Alcohol in the writing process should be used in celebration, not recovery.
• Bath salts. Can’t overstate the value of quality bath salts.

Basically, take some time to get your head back on straight. Nurture yourself as the font of words, don’t punish yourself for the algae growing on the bottom of the pool. Pamper yourself, but don’t forget to write on. After all, the recovery is only part of the writing journey. To be a writer, you actually have to sit down and get words on paper.

Good luck.

First of June and... crap

Sometimes writing is a lot like cleaning up dog shit. And I don’t mean nice, neat little turds either. I mean liquid, nasty ass black and green junk that smells like it crawled out the ass end of a skunk with traveler’s diarrhea and a bad attitude. It’s great of course when writing isn’t like this: when the character’s are flowing, the narrative voice is working, the words and metaphors tie together and ring true. It’s a high. It’s endorphins. It’s bliss of the purest kind.

But a lot of days, we writers clean up dog shit.

One thing I’ve learned lately is that the words we transcribe are not sacrosanct. Neither is the order in which they appear. Nor are the scenes. We might have to murder our darlings and this is hard to do. Much like it’s hard to go out in the mudroom on a hot summer day and start scraping liquid manure into a plastic bag with your bare hands and a butt-load of paper towel. But eventually the shit stench will drive you out of the house and into a homeless, babbling idiot on the street. And how cool does that sound? “I couldn’t clean up the dog shit, so now I’m homeless, jobless, and wearing a trashcan lid on my head so the government can’t steal my thoughts.” Rather than let the eau de dog, or eau de writing, drive you from your home, instead go in prepared and armed.

First, unless it’s absolutely necessary, for instance, your mother-in-law is coming to visit, don’t hit the mess right away. It might sound gross, but hot dog shit is harder to pick up than cold. Similarly, hot writing might be too hot to handle. It’s too new, too close to the bone, still bleeding on the page. Only tackle writing that has had time to cool. Unless of course there’s a deadline in the form of your mother-in-law. Then… the gods help you.

Second, go in with what you’ll need. Take the time while the shit is cooling to collect yourself and what you’ll need for the job. Paper towel, any pertinent research, carpet or floor cleaner, a rosary (if the stench is bad enough), and a whole lot of deep breathing, preferably through your mouth to avoid the major olfactory nerves. Think long and hard about how you’ll tackle the project and be as prepared as you can be.

Third, take a deep breath, maybe holding it, and jump in. Go page by page, scrape by scrape, and don’t be afraid to jump outside and puke. Keep what you can and throw the rest in a plastic bag to burn. Don’t throw out the entire carpet just because one corner is bad. Cut off the corner and smooth it down, don’t just hide it with sofa. And when it’s over, you’ll realize that either a) it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought, because you were prepared and had all the right tools, or b) you need to utilize the yellow pages and find a good Haz-Mat team.

I wish I had all the answers but, ladies and gents, some days its all good and others… well, butt-loads of paper towel.

What we all want more of: thyme

Another herb whose use I couldn’t recall was thyme. Trusty herb book again, dudududah! Thyme acts as an astringent, both inside and out, and too much can lead to poisoning. To use it to cleanse the kidneys and bladder, pour a cup of boiling water over a teaspoon of thyme. Let steep 15 minutes, strain, and sweeten. Drink one cup once a day for a week.

As far as growing thyme, it’s one of the herbs I started that made it, so it’s something I’ll comment on growing. Thyme grows slowly, so start early and give it plenty of sun. It’s hardy, which is good for me ;) and likes a regular watering schedule. It prefers a light, sandy soil, and when first starting new plants, weed control is essential as it does grow so slowly.

I’ve been trying to write three book reviews this week. Falling prey to my own whininess, I’ve got nothing to say, I don’t have any time, I’m not inspired, I’m hungry, I’d rather clean up dog poo… whatever. The thing is, if I don’t write, the creativity comes out in other ways, especially odd, vivid dreams. Indiana Jones with carnivorous cows with wings comes to mind. The answer? Simple. Write like my life depends on it. Who knows? My sanity might. Too many more cows with sharp teeth and Temple of Doom or running around town for plant starts and getting locked out of the house and I’ll go crazy... ier.

Book Review: The Well-Fed Writer

The Well-Fed Writer: Financial Self-Sufficiency as a Freelance Writer in Six Months or Less. Peter Bowerman. Fanove Publishing. 2000. 282 pages. $19.95. ISBN: 0-9670598-4-4.

Got to give kudos to this writer for sharing all he’s learned about how to make a living as a freelance writer. If you want to write professionally, this is the book to read. Commercial writing as a practical career not fiction which is a much tougher market. Way to augment fiction dreams and actually make money writing. He covers everything the commercial writer needs to know, from lifestyle to successful strategies to clients, writing samples, system to support the structure of the business, how much to charge, and delivers it all in an upbeat, if-I-can-do-it- you-can-do-it style. Lots of professional writers plug this book and for good reason. If there was ever a step-by-step guide to freelance writing, this book is it.

There are more resources at www.wellfedwriter.com. Or check out some web content sites, such as Associated Content, Suite 101, E-lance, ehow, and a ton of others. Willow Sidhe offers helpful information on her website about freelance writing online.

Critters (that's critique, not creatures) and Critters (creatures, not crits)

If you write sci-fi/fantasy/horror and haven’t joined www.critters.org yet, where have you been? It is the place online where writers can connect and get quality reviews of their writing. And it’s free! The system is kind of a pay it forward set up. You register, review people’s work, keeping up a review per week or so to stay in good standing, then post your own work for critique. Simple! And it’s amazing how helping others also helps you. Not just in an altruistic sense (I’m an only child, I don’t do altruism), but in your own writing. Seeing the mistakes and stuff that doesn’t work over and over in other people’s work can make you a stronger writer when you recognize the same pitfalls in your own writing.

It’s another cloudless, beautiful day here in Michigan. The snow is melting, the birds are singing… actually they’re crows, but I’m not picky. We actually saw a pair of Bald Eagles souring over our barn the other day. I’d never seen a pair before and Dad hadn’t ever seen any this far south.

At first I said to Dad that it was a hawk flying over. He came out and looked and said the wingspan was too wide for a hawk at that distance, and it’s too early for vultures… Just then, one dipped, we saw it wasn’t a hawk at all, but the white head of a Bald Eagle. SO AWESOME!!! One wheeled above us, very high, riding along the neighbor’s fence line. Then I saw the other one, almost out of Dad’s vision, which is amazing since his is better than mine. The second one was higher, just a speck, but similar in size, at least from our vantage on the ground.

So a pair of Bald Eagles, scoping out the place. If that’s not good luck, I don’t know what is. Must’ve been what made the tuna casserole so good. :) Either that or dancing in the kitchen, I’m not sure. (Aside: What happened to me? I used to be kinda cool. Now I’m all gushy-cooking/dancing with a guy I actually like? What the hell is this? I know, I know. Enjoy it Ax. And hopefully lots of other people have something similar to enjoy as well. I recommend cows. Highly.)



Was going through some old pics and found these of the Old Man.

 And of chickens...

 

And of the fucked up looking ram.

Yeah, the steers weren't sure about him either. He kept trying to hump them.