The Farmer's Workout

http://iowafarmbureau.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/the-farmers’-workout/

It's not a time for New Year's resolutions, but here's some more things to consider about farmer fitness. It must be working. My dad is in his sixties and still wears the same size pants he did in high school. He also has great abs, which is a nice relief from the guy who mows lawn and has a belly covering his steering wheel. And I'm not talking about the mower.

Farmersize

It’s good to eat healthy, but to be healthy, you also have to move. Humans were designed to walk and bend and move around a lot, which is why some have said we’re running the latest software on a paleolithic hard drive. Our bodies are designed to be used, and when we don’t use them, they grow soft and flabby on us.

So I would like to bring you FARMERSIZE! That’s right, for the price of cows, you can get fit, ache and whine and throw your hips out of alignment.

First, you take a hungry group of grass-fed cows. Next, you push it to the next level by either being pregnant or pushing a baby in a stroller through places strollers were never designed to go. As an added cardio option, you’ll be bombarded by mosquitoes and have to fend them off as well. Don’t forget the workout itself, push through the woods, rolling out wire, pounding posts with a twenty-pound driver, then double back, fighting flimsy steel rods into the ground. Don’t lose those insulators! Every time a deer runs through your fence and pops one of those suckers off, you lose six cents. And at Barclay Farms we are too frugal to let deer get away with crap like that. So you’ll be spending lots of time feeding the mosquitoes while searching for insulators.

While you unroll wire with one hand, you’ll be pushing the baby through mud with the other. Don’t stop now! It’s also the baby’s naptime, so now he’s really tired. You’ll feel the burn as you rush between swatting mosquitoes off him and pulling dryer sheets out of his sticky grasp and sinking posts in along that final stretch of woods.

FARMERSIZE is free, because, let’s face it, who would pay to do this shit? So get ready to get as tired as you’ve ever been in your life and receive no thanks from the livestock for doing so. Get ready to FARMERSIZE!!

From WikiCommons

Calorie Burn on the Farm - from Calorielab.com

ACTIVITY	15 minutes	1 hour
Farming, baling hay, cleaning barn, poultry work, vigorous effort	95	382
Farming, chasing cattle, non-strenuous (walking), moderate effort	34	136
Farming, chasing cattle or other livestock on horseback, moderate effort	41	164
Farming, chasing cattle or other livestock, driving, light effort	14	55
Farming, driving harvester, cutting hay, irrigation work	20	82
Farming, driving tractor	20	82
Farming, feeding small animals	41	164
Farming, feeding cattle, horses	48	191
Farming, hauling water for animals, general hauling water	48	191
Farming, taking care of animals Grooming, brushing, shearing sheep, assisting with birthing, medical care, branding	68	273
Farming, forking straw bales, cleaning corral or barn, vigorous effort	95	382
Farming, milking by hand, moderate effort	27	109
Farming, milking by machine, light effort	7	27
Farming, shoveling grain, moderate effort	61	245
Chopping wood, splitting logs	85	340
Planting seedlings, shrubs	60	238
Gardening, general	51	204
Implied walking/standing - picking up yard, light, picking flowers or vegetables	34	136
Walking, gathering gardening tools	34	136
Carrying infant or 15 pound load (e.g. suitcase), level ground or downstairs	43	170
Pushing or pulling stroller with child or walking with children	26	102
Walking, grass track	68	272
Multiple household tasks all at once, moderate effort	43	170
Butchering animals	85	340
Cooking or food preparation Including use of manual appliances while standing or sitting	17	68
Cooking or food preparation (with some walking)	26	102
Feeding animals	26	102
Putting away groceries, carrying packages Specifically, carrying groceries, shopping without a grocery cart	26	102
Making the bed	17	68
Sitting - playing with child(ren) - light, only active periods	26	102
Standing - playing with child(ren) - light, only active periods	31	122
Carrying small children	34	136
Child care: sitting/kneeling - dressing, bathing, grooming, feeding, occasional lifting of child-light effort, general	26	102
Child care: standing - dressing, bathing, grooming, feeding, occasional lifting of child-light effort	34	136
Reclining with baby	9	34
Sit, playing with animals, light, only active periods	26	102
Stand, playing with animals, light, only active periods	31	122
Walk/run, playing with animals, light, only active periods	31	122
Sitting while reading a book or newspaper	5	20
Sitting while writing, doing desk work, typing	14	54
Standing while reading	14	54
Standing - miscellaneous	17	68
Calisthenics, heavy, vigorous effort Including pushups, situps, pullups, jumping jacks	119	476