Saturday, May 31, 2008

Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove, Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, With silken lines, and silver hooks.

(John Donne)

I’d tell you what I did last night, but then I’d have to kill you. Let’s just say I needed a gut-bomb this morning, we had too much fun, but we got a lot of issues sorted out.

Relationships are odd things. We cultivate relationships and talk about how important they are, but we have no ideas (or too many ideas) on how to have healthy relationships. We lie to one another and withhold things. But what about honesty? And sharing our thoughts and feelings with someone as they occur to us, to work through them together? (Am I being too progressive?) I mean, who says we can’t have a variety of relationships to meet all of our physical, mental, and spiritual needs? And who says that instead of soul mates we can’t have soul friends? Isn’t that the role that certain animals play in our lives? They meet a need, in a different way than humans do, and you can care about so many different animals, but that doesn’t mean you love another one less. They meet different needs, the same as different friends do.

I like having friends, especially guy friends. I like hanging out and learning what they do, trucks and tractors as opposed to clothes and shopping. Of course, I know a lot of cool girls too. But most girls don’t farm and work like a guy. I enjoy the camaraderie that comes with hanging out with other agriculturalists. I enjoy that organic understanding.

My grandmother said something quite profound the other day. We were talking about relationships and she said that when you no longer put your heart into it, then you might as well give it up. That wisdom seems to follow into the camaraderie I talked about before too. If you don’t care about the same things, maybe its time to reexamine.

My dad says that people come in and out of your life for a reason. And you have to learn to be aware of them and what they have to teach you. In the last year, I’ve learned a lot about who I am and where I want to go in life and the types of people I want to surround myself with. I just hope that I can bring as much pleasure to the people who put up with me as they bring to me.

Sorry for being so doomy today. I’ll try to be better tomorrow. And to my drinking buddy (if reading the blog) xoxo ~Ax