Monday, May 12, 2008

For all you overachievers out there -- fucking knock it off

Oh joy, its Monday again. Out of all the days of the week, it’s generally the day I feel the worst about myself (except those days when I wake up and can’t find my clothes and have to chew my own arm off, but luckily those days are fewer and farther between). I always make these grandiose plans for Mondays. Clean the house, top to bottom, get all the bark mulch spread, do laundry and dishes, read tons and tons, exercise like a fiend, and get lost in a rush of glorious pages that never need editing.

Yeah, right.

About 10:30 I get dizzy from low blood sugar, binge eat, feel bad about that, but too full to do anything, so I curl up with a book, inevitably fall asleep, and lose track of all the much more productive things I had planned. (Yes, I know I need to get a job, but work with me.) I beat myself up so bad for not sticking to my schedule (aka giving in to my human failings), that I never get anything accomplished. And once my Monday gets thrown off, the whole week might as well be gone, because I failed, etc, etc. You get the idea.

Maybe it’s because I’m female, maybe it’s because of this damn Calvinistic work ethic, I’m not sure. Well, goddamn it, I hate this attitude. It’s unhealthy and counterproductive. I’m comparing myself to other people and that will bring me up short every time. After all, in the broad scheme of things, I don’t work that hard. But instead of getting down on myself about it, I should use that energy to make something, to invigorate and motivate myself. You’re not a failure until you stop trying, after all. And in the end, the only person I really need to compete against is myself. I would do well to remember that.

And that Mondays always blow.

And the next time I get these impulses to stack all my jobs on one day, make it a Wednesday.