Thursday, August 14, 2008

Horses and habits of writing

Writing, for me, began because it was impossible that I ever do anything else. After all the reading about writing I’ve done recently, I’ve realized that the reason my ass glue often fails is because somewhere along the line (I’m not pointing fingers at college or anything. OOPS! Were my fingers crossed?) somewhere along the way it became less important (in my mind) to produce pages that made me happy to write, to play with, and more the priority to turn out material that was brilliant the first time, even if I didn’t necessarily enjoy it. Does that make sense? I mean, when I was a kid, my favorite thing was to sit on my grandma’s floor and play with my farm set. I want my writing to inspire me the way that did.

Okay, enough whining. I just made a poem. I have nothing to whine about. It’s about farming, about a horse, and it’s sad enough to be acceptable even to me. I guess I didn’t write enough angst-ridden poetry as a teenager. It’s coming out now. At least some of it doesn’t suck terrifically.

The horse totem stands for freedom and travel. I like to think it’s one of my permanent totems, since I’ve always been around horses. I could ride before I could walk, thanks to my dad. Horses have always been there to tell me things, even when I don't listen. I always learn something from horses, every time I hang out with them. Which is something I can’t say about people. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of people in my life that I care about, but animals have always been an easier relationship for me. I know what they want and have an easier time letting them know what I want. It’s all just easier. I guess that’s why shapeshifters have always fascinated me, and gods that could become animal. I feel like that combination would make all the difficulties of being human go away. But after spending time in my writings, I’m learning that even shapeshifters combat their human selves.

All right, better get to the writing instead of mooning about it.