Thursday, June 3, 2010


Some years there’s a bumper crop (still have no idea what that means, other than ‘good’) and some years just suck. For me, last year rocked and this year anything green that I breathe on dies. So today’s topic is what to do when your garden dies.

Mourn with impunity.

Go through the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief.

First comes denial. “This start will make it, I know it will. Just give it some water, sunlight, and time.”

Next comes anger. “Damn plants! I hate you!” As you throw clay pots of wilted California peppers and Miracle Grow-enhanced potting soil against the walls.

Third is bargaining. “If I had just started earlier… if I start sooner and do better next year, could you (reference to Higher Power) please spare this tiny little marjoram seedling?”

Depression hits next. “I am a worthless, dirty person. I can’t even get tomatoes to grow. Why should I even bother when I am such a failure?”

Wow, that’s a downer and I’m already through this. Moving on…

Acceptance. “It’s Okay…” Try the Tracy Chapman song of same name. Pretty awesome.

Pick Your Battles

Even if it’s late in the season, it’s not too late to purchase some pre-started plants and try it again, or (gasp!) throw in the towel, cash in your chips, cut bait, whatever cliché you like, meaning dump the whole project. Ask yourself if a garden is really that important to you, and to your family. Why do you want a garden in the first place? Would a few containers do? Or do you need the food to make it through the winter? Only you can answer these questions, but if the garden is more of a chore than a fun thing, I know what I’d do, and I wouldn’t be coming home with any fish.

And Last but Not Least…

If you do decide to pack the gardening in for the year, three words:

Learn. To. Crochet.